i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
