Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
