Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
