I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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