just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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