ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
