pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I got inside last night via doggy door
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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