yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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