Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
