bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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