I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
