No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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