Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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