'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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