I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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