last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
