It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
