i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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