If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
