My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
