You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
