i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Congratulations! We have a period
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
