Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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