eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
