I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
