dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have fence marks all over my body
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
