One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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