She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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