i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
