the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
