Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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