can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
