i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
