I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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