I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
