just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
