i think my tv is drunk
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
