Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
