jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
