I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
