I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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