I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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