So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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