I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
