Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
