First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
