He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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