I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
