so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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