dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
