no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
