if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
