You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
